March 1 addendum: Re-reading Rebecca Solnit’s book A Field Guide to Getting Lost, she cites Pat Barker… ‘how often the early stages of change or cure may mimic deterioration. Cut a chrysalis open, and you will find a rotting caterpillar. What you will never find is that mythical creature, half caterpillar, half butterfly, a fit emblem of the human soul, for those whose cast of mind leads them to seek such emblems. No, the process of transformation consists almost entirely of decay.‘
on how to disappear into the landscape:
ideas keep surfacing for how to explore:
- disappearing into the landscape
- blending into the landscape
although these are different from inserting oneself into the landscape – i am drawn to this vocabulary. a few ideas came up yesterday… a video project… but this may take some time.
it may not be connected, but i have been trying to also consider detachment. perhaps this is related to the disappearing, perhaps not. erased drawing: this was not erased because i was ‘unsatisfied’ with the final outcome, but the opposite. i wanted to see how it felt to erase it. even then… i haven’t erased the entirety of the drawing. i believe that i should as best i can.
there. now i have erased the full image. it seems a ghost remains.